A Sun Among Stars

 

Krystal Matheson is on the left in both of these photos.  In the first photo, her sister is to the right.  Let's keep her and her family in our thoughts and prayers.♥

           An amazing friend of mine, Krystal Matheson, died on July 12.  She was not just a friend to me; she was more like a sister.  Seeing her could make my day 30,000 times better.  She was always so happy and loving; she never let a single person feel uninvited.  And I'm sure that none of us would have ever guessed that behind all that happiness and joy, there was a girl struggling with depression.
              
        Due to a chemical imbalance in her brain, she suffered from severe depression.  It most often hit her when she was alone.  She loved to serve; she loved loving.  So when she was around her friends, her depression was not noticeable.  But, like mentioned before, when she was alone, her thoughts changed.
             
        I did not know about this issue until the morning she died.  My mom woke me up and sat me down on the couch.  I expected bad news, but not about sweet Krystal, and certainly not about her death.  Tearfully, my mom gently took my hands and said, "Krystal Matheson passed away this morning."  
             
        It took me a moment to understand.  For a moment, I thought I had misunderstood, because Krystal couldn't be gone, she just couldn't.  But deep down, I knew I had heard my mom correctly.
             
        I don't remember much after that, just lots of crying, so much that I couldn't move.  I was so hurt, I felt as though my heart was literally breaking.
            
        A few minutes later, my dad walked in.  He had been the first in our family to know about it so he knew the reason I was crying.  He sat down and holding me told me her story, of how she struggled with depression, and how that morning, some thought had completely overwhelmed her and she felt the need to take her own life.
            
        For the second time that day, I completely lost it.  I had never felt so hurt, so grievous.  Every time I pictured Krystal's smiling face in my mind, I couldn't believe that she had struggled to the point of suicide.
            
        I eventually stopped crying, and I tried to imagine what she was doing at the moment.  I pictured her walking beside Christ, happier then ever, sharing all those random facts she knew.  It was hard to have her gone, but it still made me feel some peace, knowing she was in a better place, free of the illness that caused her her life.
             
        Krystal had been in our ward, and so that evening, we all gathered at a previous leader's house to talk and do some service for the Matheson family.
             
        Many tears were shed that evening; much comfort given.  I'm sure the others felt the same way, but I kept expecting Krystal to walk through the door with a bright smile and open arms.
            
        Although this has been so difficult, that night brought all us as a young women's group closer together, and brought a certain, deeper than ever, love into our hearts.
             
        Today at church, most of us shared thoughts and feelings about Krystal Matheson.  I cried, and sometimes laughed, as cheerful memories were brought up.  Krystal and her corrections on our grammar, her random fact spouting, the way she made everyone she met feel loved.  She never turned away from anyone, instead she turned to them, with open arms, no matter what.  She said hello to strangers, and gave hugs to just about anyone and everyone.  She was, as I like to put it, a sun among stars.
            
        She was one of the brightest souls I've ever known, and everywhere she went, she shared that light.  She reminded me of the sun, always shining, always doing what's right.  The stars bring light to this world, but the sun brings more light than any of those stars.  I sincerely hope that someday, I will be able to be a sun, like Krystal, shining for everyone, whether they need it or not.  
           
        Krystal Matheson was an inspiration to me.  She led an amazing life, one full of righteous actions.  And although I miss her, I am so incredibly blessed to have had her in my life.  Although she is physically gone, her spirit is still here, comforting me, reminding me that she is happier now than ever before. 
            
        To the Matheson family:  thank you, for letting your sister/daughter be my friend.  My life has been changed for good because of the love she has given me.  I would not be the person I am today if it were not for her.  
            
        The world truly is a better place because of this one girl, Krystal Matheson, who loved to love.  I can feel the difference within me, radiating outward.  To Krystal:  God is with you 'till we meet again.  You have changed my life in ways you don't yet know.  I love you, and always will.♥

This photo was not taken by me, but you can see her shine and glow.

The Broken Butterfly

This is not the famous broken butterfly, but still, I marvel at the beauty of this tiny creation.  Taken by Hannah Jacobs.

        Youth Conference of the year 2014 was a great one.  For those of you who don't know, I am a Latter-Day Saint in the Church of Jesus Christ.  Or as many people know us by; Mormons.

        

        In our church, once a year, the youth fourteen years of age and up go on a short trip for a few days.  We do service, go on hikes, and just enjoy the time we have as youth.  

Our youth.  Yeah we're pretty good lookin'.  Taken by Holly Hall.

        Let me tell you a little bit about us...we are insane.  But in the best way possible, of course!  We all get along (at least 85% of the time).  And there is no boy/girl segregation.  We're all just buddies!

       For this youth conference, we went to the beautiful little town of Manti, Utah.  We all met at our church building, packed our things into a trailer, had a quick, yet spiritual, devotional, than we headed on our way.  It was quite a hectic ride!  With four teenage boys, three teenage girls, and one chauffeur (my dad, who by the way, is the best dad ever), you can kind of imagine what it was like.

(From left to right.)  In the first photo, I was attempting to get one of the boys in a picture, but he kept hiding every time I tried.  In the second photo, we had just stopped at a gas station to take a rest from sitting on our behinds.  In the last photo, well, let's just say it was a picturesque moment.

        Oh, and just a warning, I was anointed "official youth conference photographer."  That means that this post will involve many photographs of ridiculous teenagers who for some reason find it their duty to be as daringly dumb and strange as the leaders will allow.  

        We finally reached Manti, which is one of my favorite places on the whole planet.  My two best friends, Ryan and David, live down there.  I have known them for as long as I can remember, and with Manti being so far away, seeing them is a rare and wonderful occasion.

       My daddy stopped the van, and told us children to go save seats for the Manti Pageant (aka Mormon Miracle Pageant.)  I'll explain more on that later on.  

       My friends and I unpacked blankets, pillows, jacket, and more blankets.  We quickly walked to the gate.  That's when we saw the sign.  "No entrance until 6 PM."

       Oh crap.

       It was around 5:35 at the time, so we had a 25 minute wait ahead of us.  We were all hungry, tired, and bored from sitting for the past three hours, so while that may not seem bad, it seemed to be a very dire moment for the rest of us.

       The 25 minutes passed; we ran and layed the blankets over the seats we wanted, and ran back to the van.

      Two minutes later, we were at our campsite, which was actually a backyard.  It was my best friend's parent's backyard.

       The rest of the youth and leaders were already there, setting up tents and beds.  It was hilarious, seeing how the young women leaders had brought air mattresses and other comfier bedding.  One of my leaders even brought a pool flotation chair thingy.  (What are those even called?)  The men on the other hand, they were roughin' it up with simple sleeping bags.  One leader...he didn't even sleep in a tent!

      After everything was set up, my father gathered everyone together to explain the plan for the evening.  It was simple.  

1.  Go to Pageant Dinner.

2.  Let the teenagers loose on the unexpecting town of Manti

3.  Meet at the Pageant by dark

4.  Go back to camp/backyard

       So that's what we did!  Pageant dinners are a delicious concoction of ice cold water. fluffy rolls, green beans, mashed potatoes swimming in gravy, a juicy piece of the most delicious turkey, and a choice between carrot cake or a chocolate brownie with the perfect amount of chocolate frosting.  Mmmmmmmmm.

At the dinners.  Aren't they all absolutely adorable?

       During the dinner is when I first saw David.  I had seen Ryan earlier, in the backyard, but had only spoken to him for a minute.  So I saw David and Ryan at the dinner, and being me, I harassed them the whole time, as they were there to serve the people eating.  David was refilling water pitchers, and Ryan was handing out cups.   As annoying as I acted, I sure was glad to see the two of them, and honestly, I just about screamed with joy.

        We finished eating, and slowly separated into groups.  We were released to go explore and enjoy Manti.  

In the first of these photographs, we are all chillin' at a local playground.  Coolest.  Playground.  Ever.  In the middle one, are some of my wonderful friends.  They are as beautiful as can be!  The last photo is another playground photograph.  It's quite funny actually, how all of us stopped to play at the exact same playground, although we had come in groups.  As one boy in my ward put it, "teenagers must have a sixth sense, one that tells us where the nearest playground is, because every single one of the youth converged onto the exact same playground."

        My small group left the playground and headed for the pageant.  Now let me explain.  The Mormon Miracle Pageant is not a show where girls dress up in fancy dresses and swimwear and model for everyone.  It is quite different.  The Mormon Miracle Pageant is when all the inhabitants of Manti (or at least everyone that wants to,) puts on a giant show about Joseph Smith, the stories within the Book of Mormon, and Latter-Day Saint pioneers as they went from place to place, in search of Zion.

       I have been in the pageant two times, and it is wonderful!  To watch it was a different experience.  Anyway, before it starts, people from the cast come down amongst the audience and interact with them.  Some of my girl friends were in it, and they came down to find me.  Oh, how I loved seeing them again!

        The pageant is held on a steep hill in front of the Manti temple.  Hundreds of chairs are set up at the bottom of the hill.  It works well, because the cast preforms on the hill, making it easy for everyone to see what is going on.  So as the sun started to set, it was a beautiful view of my all-time favorite temple.  

My favorite temple ever-the Manti, Utah temple.  Taken by Hannah Jacobs.

      Just as the pageant was about to begin, Ryan and David came to watch with me.  We chatted until the pageant started.  Well...okay, maybe we chatted a bit during the pageant, too.

       The pageant ended around 11 o'clock, leaving me with a deep sense of gratitude and love for Christ and our Father and all they have done for me.  My friend Heather and I went to the front to talk to the cast a little bit.  We even took a picture!

From left to right:  me, some really cool dude (I think he was a Nephite?), and Heather.  Taken by Ryan Christensen.  In case you can't tell by my rigid body, and clenched fist, it was freezing cold.  That's what I get for wearing shorts!

        Ryan and David gave Heather and me a ride home.  We raced with Ryan's good friend, Jack.  We lost, but only because we weren't ready!  It was a scary race, and I think I almost peed my pants.

        We got back to camp-yard.  We were all in high spirits, and none of us wanted to go to bed.  Alas, we did, after a prayer.  All the girls crammed into one large tent.  I was getting a headache, and wanted to sleep, but that didn't happen for at least an hour.  Too many girls with too much energy+sugar smuggled into suitcases=no sleep for anyone.  

        Eventually, the leaders in the next tent over called to us, telling us that we had to go to bed.  So we did!...after they asked a few times.

        Next morning, eight groggy girls sat up as Holly called for us to "wake up and get at 'em!"  We found out the boys had already woken up, packed their things, and were in the process of putting tents away.  Which meant that we had to hurry or we were gonna miss breakfast.  So as fast as we could, we packed up.  We had a nice breakfast of sugary cereals, sugary muffins, and milk.  I had Cocoa Puffs and a chocolate muffin with chocolate chips.  Lotsa chocolate for me!

        I bid a sad farewell to Ryan, David, their siblings (all boys), and their parents, who I call my adoptive mom and dad.  I really do love that family!

        We got in vans and headed out.  We were goin' on a hike!  Being a photographer, my camera was on and at the ready about 99.9% of the time during the hike.  It was a stunning view, all the way from the bottom to the very top!  I wish I could show you the millions of photographs I took, but this post is already too long.  I'll show you a few! 

Towering trees, blue skies, and tall mountains.  I wish I could have a picture of every single thing I saw on the hike.

        Before we started the hike, we separated into two groups.  One hiked this trail, the other hiked that trail, and then we all met at the top to eat lunch.  It was awesome.

Livin' on the edge!

        The hike down is where the title "The Broken Butterfly" comes in.  As we were walking down the trail, I noticed this tiny butterfly.  At closer inspection, I saw that the bottom half of this butterfly's wing was gone.  As I watched, it fluttered away with difficulty.  Yet, it did not stop.  It fluttered onward, determined not to give up.  That tiny creation inspired me.  As we go through this life, we will often feel like giving up is the best option.  But we often find that through the Lord, we can get up and continue.  Life is not over because of one thing.  You made a mistake?  Repent and keep going.  You're in a fight with a friend?  Go to the Lord.  He will help you.  We need to be like the broken butterfly.  We need to keep moving forward, no matter how difficult.  And even when we have a good reason to just give up the fight, we shouldn't.  Because Christ is cheering us on.  He's watching us and thinking "Come on, you guys!  You can do this!  I believe in you!"  And I think that as long as Christ believes in us, we should believe in ourselves, too.  Let's be more like a tiny creation of God's; a little broken butterfly, determined although injured.  Keep going on, because in the end, it will be worth it.

        That thought hit me hard and good.

        After the hike, we got a moment to relax as we drove to an old folks' home.  Once there, we immediately began cleaning.  Well...the others immediately started cleaning.  Being assigned as ward photographer, I got to take photos of the others working.  That may seem selfish of me, but it was actually quite nice to see everyone working so hard for these elderly people.  Although it was a fairly hot day, and it was work that they were doing, they smiled and laughed through the whole thing.  What a wonderful group of kids I have the opportunity to spend time with!  I couldn't ask for a better ward!

        We finished cleaning, bid farewell to the sweet old lady sitting in front of the home, and once again piled into the incredibly stinky, loud vehicles.

        By this time, we were all happy and energized by the service.  So it must have been a bit hard for the leaders to calm us all down for testimony meeting.  

        We met in a marvelous tabernacle.  Goodness, there were so many stairs and doors and hallways!  I actually got lost in there!  Of course, I eventually found my way back to the chapel...although I did have some help from friends.

        Right there, in that chapel, we had an opportunity to bear (bare?) our testimonies.  Oh, how my eyes watered!  It was like my eyes were a dam, and there were tons of water trying to burst out!  It eventually did, of course.  I'm a girl.  I can't keep tears in very long.  It just doesn't work!

        After that, we went outside and enjoyed dinner.  It was leftovers, but boy!  Leftovers have never tasted so good!  Probably because we'd been outside all day, and were practically dying of starvation.  I thought my growling stomach might cause an earthquake!

        Dinner was fun and quite relaxing.  Sitting around picnic tables, talking with some of the coolest people in the history of cool people, eating food, life just seemed real good.

       But alas!  Quiet would not prevail for long, because next thing we know, we were again jammed in van and car, heading into the unknown, with loud music blasting our eardrums.  And as us seven teenagers sang along at the top of our lungs, not even attempting to sound good, but rather trying to sound awful, I felt utterly happy.

        For our last stop, we went to Provo and saw a Comedy Sports show.  I suggest that if you have not seen one of those, you hop in your car and go to see one right now!  They are clean, funny, and they include the audience.  We all laughed until our stomachs hurt.  Although, I must warn you, it is boiling hot inside that building.  I suggest (if you go) that you take a mini fan that you can cool yourself off with.

       Next thing we knew, the show was over and we were heading home.  Although I'd had a blast, the idea of home got me excited.  Home is always a good place to be.

  

        We dropped all the kids in the van off, and then daddy and I headed to our own welcoming home.  Although it was around midnight, I took a shower.  No way was I sleeping in my bed, smelling like that!

       I know this post was long, and some parts I got overly excited and probably typed your eyes off, but it was an experience I'll never forget.  

       Remember to be like the broken butterfly, and remember that you can be happy, even when you feel like giving up.

       Keep going, love God, love yourself.  Let's get through this life with flying colors!

Calling All Heroes; the World is in Need of You!

My friend, Ashley, is a wonderful example of a hero.  Taken by Hannah Jacobs.

        Calling all heroes; the world is in need of saving!  And I don't want your normal super hero, like Batman or Spiderman or Captain America, although they are pretty cool.  Superpowers such as strength, climbing walls, x-ray vision, and speed are not going to help against this villain!  No sir, the hero I'm looking for is YOU.

       That may sound crazy, but it's true!  I need as many people as possible to save the world!  I can't do it by myself.  That would be impossible.  And one of you can't do it by yourself, either.  Which is why I need every single one of you!

       United, we can fight off this evil villain and help the world become a happier place.  Are you ready for the details of your mission?  Take a deep breath, because this just may be the hardest fight you've ever fought.

YOUR MISSION:  TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM SATAN

WHY:  HE IS CORRUPTING EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE ON IT

LOCATION OF THE ENEMY:  ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE

WHEN TO START:  RIGHT NOW

ABOUT THE VILLAIN:  SATAN CRAVES POWER OVER HUMAN KIND.  HE WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO CONTROL OUR MINDS AND MAKE THEM WICKED.  HIS WORST ENEMIES ARE THE FAITHFUL CHILDREN OF GOD.  

VILLAIN'S WEAKNESSES:  SATAN BECOMES WEAK AGAINST SERVICE, KINDNESS, MODESTY, OBEDIENCE, AND ANYTHING THE LORD HAS COMMANDED US TO DO.

YOU HAVE UNLIMITED TIME TO COMPLETE THIS ASSIGNMENT.

WE MUST SAVE THE OTHER CHILDREN OF GOD FROM CORRUPTION BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

        Here are some ideas of how to fight against the enemy:

• Watch appropriate TV shows and movies.
• Do an act of service.
• Treat everyone you meet with respect.
• Don't gossip or spread rumors.
• Wear modest clothing.
• Share with others.
• Obey your parents.
• Anything that helps you and other feel happiness.

        

        We are truly living in a wicked world today.  Satan has slowly seeped his poison into our minds, and it's time we fight against it.  We must be strong, as temptations are all around us.  We must fight against Satan together.  Because when we are united, we become stronger and smarter.  We support one another when we stand together to fight Satan.  When one of our sisters or brothers begin to fall, we must be there to bring them back.

        This fight is incredibly real.  Satan is real.  He will stop at nothing to hurt you and make you fall away from the Lord.  So I ask you to stand with me now, and fight.  The world is turning it's back on the Lord, and we need to change that.  For the Lord is our salvation; He atoned for us.  Let us help Him in return by helping the earth find it's way back to Him.

        For two weeks, I will be collecting stories about what you have done to fight Satan.  Send me an email at jacobsha@wsdstudent.net with your first name, and your story.  In two weeks, I will be sharing them on this blog.

       Love God.  Love yourself.  Love everyone you meet.  And you can be a hero.    

A Million Different Kinds of Beautiful

Four different smiles make for four different beautifuls.  (Taken by Hannah Jacobs.  Smiles of Chauntel Jacobs, Sara Drummond, Mickie Rigby, and Hannah Jacobs.)

        Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought something along the lines of "I look awful!"?  Or looked at that popular, well-liked girl and wished you could have her hair, or eyes, or smile?  We've all done it.  Everybody has.  Even that popular girl with the fan club!  We all have insecurities, and, unfortunately, we will always have flaws and insecurities.  Yet through these weaknesses, we have beauty.  Even after we've overcome one insecurity, we have many others.  But lucky for us, there will always be another beauty to discover within ourselves.
     
       When I was in 6th grade, I didn't think much of my appearance, I didn't think of my popularity level, I didn't care so much about a social life.  But the moment I stepped into junior high, everything changed.  Suddenly, I noticed every little flaw about myself, and every single one of them seemed like a major deal.  It was like everyone could see that teensy weensy mistake, and everyone would judge me for it.
     
         I looked at the other girls and couldn't see anything wrong with them.  So what was wrong with me?  Why did I have so many imperfections when none of the other girls did?  It wasn't fair!  Why on earth did they get perfect skin, perfect eyes, perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect everything?  I looked in the mirror and saw what I thought to be a chubby girl with an awkward smile, big nose, and red, watery eyes. I did not like my appearance.
     
        Soon, I started to feel like an annoyance to everyone.  My voice was high and obnoxious, I talked too much, I didn't know how to react to boys (sometimes, I still don't know how to react to boys), I got in the way, and I was most definitely not confident.

        I realized I had made a crucial mistake.  I officially had a nemesis.  I realized that I was my own enemy.  And that is the worst kind of enemy to have.

        I won't lie.  I cried sometimes.  I was a 7th grade mess.  I felt so completely alone, I felt so desperate, so ugly, so annoying.  I felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to my school.  And I was miserable.

       In 8th grade, things got a little better.  I still compared myself to others.  I still didn't really think I was pretty.  But alas, things were better.  I had two fantastic best friends that have changed my life, though they may not know it.
 
        9th grade is where things really changed.

         One night, I was kneeling by my bed, saying my prayers, pleading that I would realize I am pretty and nice and not annoying.  I kind of expected God to change my thoughts right then and there, and make me see the real me.  But that's not what happened.  Instead, I got an opportunity to think differently.  The next day, my sister and I were at the store, and the ground was covered in thick slush.  It was easy to get stuck in.

        As we were getting ready to leave, I noticed a woman in the distance struggling with getting her shopping cart through the slush.  I felt bad for her, but started getting in my van even though I wanted to help her.  But something stopped me.  I could not lift my foot into the van, almost like there was an invisible force blocking me.  So I turned around and ran to help the woman.  It took a few minutes, but we eventually reached her car.  I turned to leave, but before I could go, she looked me in the eyes and with watery eyes quietly said, "thank you so much."

      Without realizing it, that kind lady had helped me.  I went home, and could not stop smiling.  I looked in the mirror and said to myself, "I am a good person,"  I began to love who I was on the inside.  Every once in a while, I would feel annoying, but I loved who I was.  And as I loved my personality, who I was, I began to look differently at my outer appearance.  I realized that while I saw my imperfections, nobody else seemed to notice them.

        I began looking in the mirror and saying to myself, "I look beautiful!"  I soon started to believe it.  I became a brighter, happier person.  I started to realize that I need not care what I look like.  Heavenly Father thinks I'm beautiful no matter what.  He doesn't look at me and think I'm ugly.  He looks at me and thinks, "Look at this beautiful creation of mine.  Look at her smile, and eyes!  Oh, she is my beautiful daughter, and I love her dearly!"

       I know now that I am beautiful.  I know it without a doubt!  And when you know that about yourself, it becomes easier to think the same of others.  I look at others, and notice their strengths, not their weaknesses.  And God does the same!  Heavenly Father doesn't just love me, he loves all of you, too.  He thinks you're beautiful.  He loves you more than you could ever imagine.

        You, dear daughters of Heavenly Father, are marvelous.  Beautiful.  Dazzling.  Bright.  Loving.  Caring.  God wants you to know it, too.  He is sad every time His daughters look down on themselves.  It hurts Him.  Because while you see imperfections, He sees beauty, and the light of Christ within you.

       Whether you're tall, short, chubby, skinny, short haired, long haired, blonde, brunette, red-headed, anything, anything at all, He, and others, will always love you.

        There are a million different kinds of beautiful, inner and outer, in this world.  And He loves them all.  I strongly encourage you to love them all.  And that includes loving your own different kind of beautiful.

       Be strong.  Love God.  Love everyone you meet.  Love yourself.  And you will find yourself a happier person.